I love Halloween slightly more than the average person. I have way to many ceramic pumpkins for an average 1/2 of a DINK and I even bought these:



Apparently someone at Michael’s also appreciates glitter in all seasons and created these pink glitter skeletons. They are now hanging from my dining room chandelier and I may need to go get some silver ones to balance out all the pink (at least that is what I’m telling myself).

Anyway, but we aren’t here today to talk about glorious pink glitter skeletons or ceramic pumpkins. We are here to talk about skanks.

Just because it’s Halloween it doesn’t mean you can be a total slut. Especially when your costume is stupid. Vandy.com has some really stupid costumes that are slutty for no reason. They can even take a fruit and make it slutty. As the resident Halloween expert around these parts, I do not approve. Let’s look at some of these travesties, shall we?


This one is called “Sexy Wolf” and it makes me want to cry for humanity. This is not a wolf. Wolves would die out in the wild if their hind legs and arms weren’t covered in fur. Plus, they would just look stupid.  This is really just embarrassing for wolves and I want to apologize to them on behalf of the part of the human race that thinks this is utterly ridiculous. They also have fox, panda, and leopard versions if you want to embarrass those parts of the animal kingdom as well.


A costume that is finally accurate. You must be a crazy bitch to wear this shit. Where are you even going to keep your drink? You can’t drink, you have to have your arms tied to your sides, AND you have to wear stripper boots? I am out.


Oh wow. The description for this gem says, “This sexy robot is programmed for fun.”  Um, robots need to be programmed for vacuuming or doing the dishes. This is just not practical. Also, robots can’t drink (no matter what Bender says), their parts would get rusty. DUH.


So there you have it. I could really make fun of any costume on Vandy.com’s site, but really, that would just be too easy (and may make me hate anyone named Vandy).

Kelsey Jones

Kelsey Jones

Founder/Chief Marketing Consultant at Six Stories
Kelsey Jones helps clients around the world grow their social media, content, and search marketing presence. She enjoys writing and consuming all kinds of content, both in digital and tattered paperback form.
Kelsey Jones
Kelsey Jones