Christmas was awesome like usual, mostly because I have about 5 different Christmases. My parents are divorced and I’m married, and everyone lives in different cities. This year I’ve done three Christmases so far and have one more on New Year’s Eve.
Being married is awesome at Christmas because it means you get even more gifts than you did when you were an unmarried heathen, leading to more stuff you didn’t know you always wanted. Take this Guess leather jacket I got, for example. I didn’t know I could love real, buttery leather so much in my life until 3 nights ago. Now I keep looking over my shoulder for PETA to curb stomp me, all while I’m trying to babble about how I don’t eat meat that much, minus Arby’s roast beef, which no one should give up willingly (I’m thinking that someone who craves fast food meat is a lower tier of Vegetarian than someone who “just craves a really nice porterhouse”. I’m a trashy vegetarian. I like iceburg lettuce too. You can judge me, I totally get it).
Being married also means you get a billion more girl cousins (another thing you didn’t know you wanted until you had it), which means there are always supporters when you’re trying to convince yourself that you should eat that 10th sugar cookie or if you ever need a hair tie, which has been passed around more than a tired Tiger Woods joke (PS Tiger Woods is proof that cheating ruins your life, men. He lost the model wife AND the amazing golf record. Take Notes).
Alright, well I’m off to go sit on the couch, read magazines and berate myself for all the cleaning I should be doing. ‘Tis the season, right?
But before I go, I’m leaving you with some creepy snowman clip art as my holiday gift to you.
Cannibalism at its finest.
Silly artist. Snowmen don’t wear coats!
Looks like this snowman has been doing some GTL.
This is from snowmanpokerleague.com, but that doesn’t make it any less creepy.