adventures in ant killingThe ants have waged a war with me, 300 style. So much so that I have taken to researching means of ant killing on the internet and laughing maniacally when Walmart has the specific trap I was looking for.

When I was growing up, I used to love ants. I still kind of do, if you can love something that you smush about 20 of every day. They are so interesting:


  • Some ants can support up to 100x their own weight upside down on glass. –And here I was, complaining that BodyPump was hard.
  • Ants are the longest living of all insects, living for up to 30 years. –I really hope I didn’t kill any grandpa ants. I would feel really shitty.
  • All worker, soldier and queen ants are female. –Crap. This means I probably killed some at least aunt ants or grandma ants. 
  • Ants sleep frequently and are often quite lazy. –My kind of peoples.
  • In many parts of the world, ants are eaten by humans as a delicacy. –If this was the case in America, I could open a 5-star restaurant in my kitchen. “And the special today is ants floating in a crusty glass of chocolate milk residue.”
  • Ants worst enemies are not us, but other ants. –If they respect home turf, why are they up on mine?!

The ants are so prevalent that it inspired me to buy some caulk and finally recaulk our kitchen, as many places where the backsplash met the counter had no caulk at all (also this was an excuse for me to make several caulk puns to H, many of which he pretended not to laugh at).

I finished recaulking 2 weekends ago, but the ant aunts remained, making me feel crappy for never having a clean sink and the fact that I can’t walk up cabinets while supporting 100x my own body weight. So yesterday, when I was pretending not to see how the dishwasher needed to be emptied, I noticed a path the ants were using under the windowsill. Further examination proved the absence of caulk under the window sill. The unsurprising horror. Do ants eat caulk??

I got to work immediately. I got my caulk and had at it, high off caulk fumes and ant mass murder as the new caulk was preventing any ants from leaving or getting back into my apparently squalid kitchen.

I stepped away, happy to make progress in my Spartan mission to defend my turf.

Two hours later, they had clustered around an invisible food source that I must have missed on the counter, despite cleaning my counters 2-3x per day in an attempt to throw them off track.


A spartan never forgets his first revenge mission. This must be mine.

Kelsey Jones

Kelsey Jones

Founder/Chief Marketing Consultant at Six Stories
Kelsey Jones helps clients around the world grow their social media, content, and search marketing presence. She enjoys writing and consuming all kinds of content, both in digital and tattered paperback form.
Kelsey Jones
Kelsey Jones